Sleeping with your bed partner

How did you guys handle sleeping with a bed partner? Every time I get sleep he would move and I would be wide awake. I did sleepio course before and sleep counseling while sleeping in a separate bedroom but it really put stress on our relationship. It was like we were just roommates. My sleep did improve while I was sleeping alone but as soon as I tried to sleep in the same bed as my husband, the insomnia all came back. I think it is now worse than ever. So I am desperate and I have a 1 yr old to take care of during the day. I am trying the sleepio course again but this time remaining in the same bed as my husband. However, I am not sleeping. Any advice is appreciated

Posted 6 Feb 2013 at 10:05 AM
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  • Sleepio Member

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    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    If packing along the camping mat works for you, I think that's great! You are NOT a failure -- you've come up with something that works! You don't have to explain it to anybody, or if someone notices and asks, you don't have to blame your husband -- you can just say that sometimes you have trouble sleeping when it's not your own bed. Maybe not exactly what's going on, but it's not an untruth if you don't like white lies :-)

  • Sleepio Member

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    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Maybe look into a split queen mattress, also called a dual queen mattress. It’s essentially two smaller mattresses pushed together to look like the size of a queen bed. I don’t have one, but someone on this site mentioned it. You don’t feel the thuds. If there’s any way to fit it into your room, it might be just the thing you need.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    My husband is a snorer, if I am asleep before him I stand a chance,however when I wake in the night I don’t stand a chance.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    Have you tried earplugs? They work for me, like a miracle. I am a very light sleeper and they help quite a bit. I used to use the bullet shaped foam earplugs, but they started to make my ears itch. I switched to the disposable silicone blobs, and they are perfect. Each pair lasts a week or two until it picks up dust and fuzz and you need to replace them. Hope this helps.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    I know just what you mean. I have the same issue. And my mother used to say the same thing about needing to fall asleep before my dad. (My dad snored so loud, one night when I was coming home from a event as a teen I heard him from outside as I approached the front door to put the key in the lock!)
    I've worn earplugs since I was in college and living between train tracks and a freeway. (Over 40 years now!) When you've got someone sawing away next to you they merely muffle the sound and don't do a thing about the vibration, but they do help -- a lot. But it can require a bit of experimentation to find a brand/style that fits most comfortably.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    Hi there. This is all so similar to my issues with my husband. Though I actually sleep well as due to the unsocial hours that we both work it’s very rare that we actually sleep in the same bed unless we are both on the same days off. My issue is more trying to sleep with my husband in the bed but the worst thing About it is when on holiday if we are doing a lot of sightseeing or I’m excited about something this is when the issue kicks in as I’m not rested the following day for thinking of all we have done and will do. Like the kid on Xmas eve scenario! I’m going a cruise in January and sharing a cabin with a female friend. I’m worried I won’t sleep if she disturbs me or worried that I may disturb her. This issue has ruined a couple of days of holidays due to my lack of sleep and I dont want to let myself or anyone else down
    By being a wet blanket and would love to return from a holiday saying I had an absolute ball. Doctor has given me zopiclone to try for short term use. He said to try it at home first to see how I react which I havent done yet I’m thinking it could be a standby as if I lose one nights sleep I can cope but two nights and I start to panic so I cd use it on the 2nd night if need be and hopefully. Any thoughts Sleepio members?

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    I was using Ativan when I started sleepio, and had been using it for over 10 years. Over many months, I gradually reduced and then eliminated the pills. But I do use them occasionally, such as on a cruise or when sleeping at a friend’s house, or if I have jet lag. By the time you’re going on your cruise, you might have absorbed enough sleepio skills to help you sleep without anxiety or over-excitement. But if you have to take them for a couple nights of the cruise, and then stop, I wouldn’t consider this a problem.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    When my husband snores, I can go to another room to go back to sleep. But not on a cruise. I got a free app for my IPhone called Simply Being. There are various sounds like ocean waves or light rain (my favorite) and I can put it on endless loop. With earbuds on, I manage very well.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    Thanks Auntie HoHo re your positive comments. I will give the tablets a try on a night at home maybe when I feel I might not sleep well. As long as they are just for standby use I’ll b happy to use in emergency situations. Great point re the earbuds Dakota Rose as I use those sounds on Alexa sometimes. Might invest in earbuds. Appreciate your comments too. Xx

  • Sleepio Member

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    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Session 2

    I have the same issue with my partner, his snoring, heavy breathing or moving around in bed disturbs my sleep and I end up sleeping on the sofa.

    Most the time I don't bother going to bed and just sleep on the sofa and manage to sleep through the night.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    Still haven’t tried the sleeping tablet at home yet but decided to take some action after a night with my husband jumping around like Skippy the bush kangaroo. Had a light bulb moment at 5am that the only way I would get used to this is to try to take the Sleepio advice of desensitising and sleep together every night no matter what odd hours we r working. Not expecting the next few wks to b a rollercoaster but so far so good. I remember reading somewhere years ago that it takes 3 weeks to adjust to something new! Last night Husband went to bed 2010 and got up at 440, I went at 2150 and got up at 0600. Took a while to fall over and took 2 kalms at 2330 then heard him getting up but was so pleased I managed to get over again until my 6am alarm. We (well I) decided that we shouldn’t give each other a hard time if we couldn’t sleep and the spare room is there in emergency. What a difference it makes when I stop blaming him for my lack of sleep and just try to sort my own mindset out. I did wear ear plugs which seriously help but I’m so hoping to get over this and go without any aids. It’s true sleeping in separate beds makes you feel like companions rather than partners and when he worked night shift it was fine as there was no option but now he is day shift albeit an early start we really need to adjust to this and hopefully then I won’t go without sleep on holidays where we are forced to sleep together. The Sleepio advice that the first few hours are restorative also helps my mindset the following day when Iv not had a full night. Next time I buy a new bed I think I’ll go for the divided mattress though – that is a good shout

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    PS should have said ‘expecting the next few weeks to b a bit of a rollercoaster (rather than not expecting lol)

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    I’m on week 3 of the sleepio. I have been completing my sleep diary every night and making my own notes. It is becomin clear that I do sleep better on my own rather than with my partner. Although he doesn’t snore he does make a lot of noises when asleep. Even more annoying is that he is asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow. I do find that I can resent that that he is there some nights. I wear ear plugs but I do still turn into his breathing. I do quite often sleep in another room but for long term resolution this is probably not healthy. Any ideas please

  • Sleepio Member

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    Session 2

    Hello, my fiancé and I now sleep separately due to his constant bucking around and loud breathing all night long. We've slept alone for a year now, only together when we go away and on those occasions I don't sleep a wink all night even in king size beds right on the edge of the bed legs hanging off to get as far away from him as possible.
    Anyway, he can sleep anywhere, any time, any conditions, is asleep before his head hits the pillow etc. Yet I still experience problems getting to sleep even a year later, I get very bad anxiety about it. How do you deal with – I don't know the correct phrase for it – resentment/jealousy that he can sleep so well so easily?

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    I am a recent sleepio grad, and have been sleeping well for about a month in a separate bed from my partner, but wanted suggestions on how to transition back to sleeping with him. I especially want to make sure I can do this so we can travel together and for our relationship. He is very supportive, but snores at night. Any suggestions on how to go about this transition? Has anyone had success moving back to bed with their partners? Thank you.

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    I noticed this same thing. Sleepio helped me to fall asleep more easily and sleep through the night but it meant tucking my partner in and staying up hours longer. This impacted intimacy in the relationship. I am sleeping better but at what price??? If I go to bed with her, I stare at the ceiling trying to fall asleep and wake up during the night. It might count as a win in one area but is a loss in the other…

  • Sleepio Member

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    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Jamesinmn, perhaps the QHR could come to the rescue. Have you tried going to bed together and getting up quarter of an hour after your partner has gone to sleep, then returning to bed at the right time for you?

  • Sleepio Member

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    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Hi James, I thought about QHR too, but also wondered what if you and your partner go up earlier for cuddles etc, then you come back down and do your wind down time, leaving your partner to zzzz, then creep back into bed when your SR is scheduled?
    Kurly :)

  • Sleepio Member

    • 7 comments
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    Graduate

    I find my biggest problem is when I have to get up early. Some of my shifts in work involve me getting up at 6am; then I find it impossible to get to sleep no matter how tired I am or how perfect everything else is. I stay in the spare room then in case my husband moves around or gets up to the toilet. Despite this I still hear every tiny sound and I'm exhausted at work. If I don't have to be up early then most of the time my sleep, whilst not great is pretty ok. I normally get up pretty early so it's not that Im used to sleeping late, it just seems to be an anxiety attached to having to be up early regardless of the reason. Very very frustrating!

  • Sleepio Member

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    Graduate

    I am about to start the “sleep restriction” part of the programme which requires me to set my alarm for 4.30am. This has been met with a hostile reaction from my husband who has said that I am being selfish because it will disturb him. I want to persevere with the programme in the hope that it will improve or cure my insomnia but I am very upset by the situation I am now facing and wonder if anybody else has faced the same difficulties and some advice about the best way to handle this please.

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