How can you minimise the effect of your insomnia on your bed partner?

One of the worst aspects of my insomnia, which has struck for acute bouts for at least four years now, is that it has a negative impact on my partner.

There is a very interesting article by Colin Espie on the site here: http://www.sleepio.com/library/article/poor-sleepers-impact-on-their-bed-partners/, but do you have anything to add to it?

Thanks!

Posted 28 Feb 2012 at 10:07 AM
  • 15 comments
  • 3 helped

Comments

  • Sleepio Member

    • 874 comments
    • 212 helped
    Graduate

    A direct comment from my partner is that it worries her that I have had insomnia, some nights I cant remember getting up ;-)), its nice that she is honest, however I now have to wear a cpap for OSA and sleep “quite well” and the tables have turned and her snoring is driving me insane lol
    I suppose the constant up and down getting out of bed must have a direct impact on their sleep as well, is there any answer I guess not, but it helps if your partner is supportive like mine is.

  • Sleepio Member

    • 695 comments
    • 308 helped
    Graduate

    My partner tends not to be disturbed by my getting up and down but is very concerned about my negativity when I sleep so badly particularly because I have tried so many things that haven't worked. Bad enough that I have feld impotent about it without infecting my partner too with powerlessness. Concerns have been raised about the SR but fortunately partner is away at the moment so not having to be around for the beginninng of it. WE will see what happens this weekend!

  • Sleepio Member

    • 874 comments
    • 212 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Good Luck with the sleep restriction, try to stick with it it will come together in the end, I am one of sleepios sucsess, I regularly get above 90% on my score, I hope that can sort out the negativity.

    It does seem a bit strange going through SR when you suffer with insomnia, but gruadally your sleep window will be increased and it will be up to you if you retire to bed earlier or get up later, Good Luck with SR and have a good nights sleep.
    All the best Andy

  • Sleepio Member

    • 695 comments
    • 308 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    thanks Andy – yes I am sticking with it and get a lot of encouragement from you and others posts. I have opted to go to bed 15 minutes earlier tonight having made my previous extra 15 minutes let me get up later. Will see what happens. Sleep well

  • Sleepio Member

    • 874 comments
    • 212 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Hi Goldie
    Great to see you sticking with it, sorry to say my sleep has been pretty poor due to a really bad headcold and chesty cough, and wearing a CPAP doesnt really help,hopefully you will find whats best 15 mins before or after your window
    Take care Andy

  • Sleepio Member

    • 167 comments
    • 41 helped
    Graduate

    My insomnia has had a bad effect on my partner. He was always a good sleeper, but now he is waking in the early hours. Unfortunately, Sleepio is not for everyone – you have to be committed to keeping the rules. I can see what he is doing wrong – taking naps in the afternoon and evening – but he has to sort this out himself. He has been very supportive of me, and put up with my SR, but is sceptical. I am making very slow progress with Sleepio – determined to stick it out.

  • Sleepio Member

    • 874 comments
    • 212 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Maybe once your partner sees your improvements he will see for himself the advantages, and maybe just maybe he will use some of the tools himself, obviously naps are not good for you, as you say it is up to him in the end to make that decision
    All the best ….Andy

  • Sleepio Member

    • 5 comments
    • 0 helped
    Graduate

    My biggest problem with my partner is that he likes cuddling but he is a very light sleeper, and I like to toss and turn when trying to get to sleep, which wakes him up every time. So it's either him waking up frequently because of me, or not getting to snuggle, and since we have a long distance relationship and see each other less than once a month, that's challenging. I've found it easy following the Sleepio course when he's not around, but I've just started sleep restrictions and will be seeing him in a few days and staying with him for a week. Not sure how he's going to like it. Any suggestions?

  • Sleepio Member

    • 21 comments
    • 8 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    My partner feels the same as yours. He doesn't' t mind that I usually get out of bed every night, he knows he snores badly! He does worry about me not sleeping more. I have sleep apnea as well as insomnia but have such a hard time falling asleep with it on. Plus the noise from it disturbs him and I feel bad. I end up turning it off and going into another room to try and sleep. Someone needs to invent a little portable c pap machine.

  • Sleepio Member

    • 1692 comments
    • 341 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    That's unfortunate that the CPAP prevents you from falling asleep. I thought it was supposed to help! My partner uses a CPAP and sometimes it is very noisy. I have finally figured out the solution – ear plugs! They work amazingly well so now I don't hear the machine at all. Has your partner tried ear plugs?

  • Sleepio Member

    • 11 comments
    • 7 helped
    Session 3

    I can definitely relate to this post! My poor husband puts up with my insomnia and tossing and turning every night. I think he is more excited about this program than I am! Hoping that I can sleep well after Sleepio.

  • Sleepio Member

    • 12 comments
    • 9 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Hi k-k-Katie,
    I have the same problem as you. It's a terrible dilemma, when you aren't always together. I really want to snuggle up with my partner but usually after up to an hour of being awake I give up and move to spare room; or sometimes I fall asleep and wake up about an hour or two later and then move to the spare room. My partner was a bit hurt to start with but has got used to waking up with me gone. But I really, really want to be able to sleep with him and wake up together in the morning. The Sleepio course has been helping me with my sleep when i'm on my own, but hasn't yet had any impact at all on my ability to sleep with my partner. So if you figure something out, do let me know!!!

  • Sleepio Member

    • 10 comments
    • 0 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Hi Nightlight, just read your comment about sticking it out and very good for you. I am struggling at the moment, next session session 5. Your comments have encouraged me. Thank you.

  • Sleepio Member

    • 167 comments
    • 41 helped
    in reply to Sleepio Member
    Graduate

    Hi Betty, Glad to hear you are sticking with it. It is easy to get discouraged, but just remind yourself what you were like before you started Sleepio. I was absolutely desperate. Things are by no means perfect now (or I wouldn't still be posting). But I am in control. I still have bad nights from time to time, but I don't worry about insomnia any more. I know I can cope.

  • Sleepio Member

    • 10 comments
    • 0 helped
    Graduate

    Hi Nightlight, thank you for your positive comments. I feel exactly like you, I have found the Sleepio
    Course really helpful and all the tools are brilliant. They have covered everything we need to know on how to be better sleepers. Yes before Sleepio I just didn't have many coping strategies, just bits I had picked up from various books and articles I had read but this course gives us strategies based on the information we give them and it seems very personal and Individual. How good is that. I hope your sleep keeps improving and stays that way. Thanks again you really helped me.

Return to top